So for those of you who don’t know me personally, I don’t like to talk about my first marriage. I don’t think anyone likes hearing about it, so why talk about it, right? Even my closest friends know very little about how my previous relationships went down, and that’s because frankly it’s depressing and things are better now and why dwell on stuff that doesn’t affect us anymore? Especially when things are so great right here, right now.
I only speak about it here because it’s been brought to my attention that someone has been spreading hateful, vitriolic lies about me and specifically my relationship with my ex-wife, calling me verbally abusive, belittling, etc. Now I have no idea how these rumors began. Maybe it’s something my ex-wife said, maybe it’s something they chose to believe, maybe they read something into what I’ve said online, maybe I give off the impression that I’m that kind of person. I don’t know. But what I do know is, they’re lying.
I never blamed my divorce on my ex-wife. A divorce, just like a marriage, is something both parties go in to with their eyes wide open. There were a multitude of reasons for me not to be with my ex-wife, and vice versa. The main fault was with me. Because the only reason I was with her was because I genuinely believed nobody else would ever like me enough to be with me, let alone love me. I made the decision to marry her because I thought there was no other choice. This is not a reason to marry somebody.
We talked at length about separating when the time came, and we were both ultimately very happy with the decision. Why would I “blame” my divorce on anyone when it was the smartest decision either of us could make at that point? We both wanted it. I have no reason to pin all that weight onto her.
At one point, yes, I believe I do remember posting that we separated and that one of the reasons was our intimacy problems. This was something I said after hearing from my landlord, my neighbors, and people I worked with that “Oh, we heard your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you.” It turned out she had very casually been telling everyone in our social circle, including people who didn’t know us beyond seeing us once a month, that we were separating and that it was because she hated sex. At this point, I was fairly certain the issue was out in the open. I did not say it in an attempt to belittle her. I said it because it was an issue that we both needed to address - her hating sex did not cause our separation, it was both of us choosing to ignore major problems such as this that caused it.
If my ex-wife did indeed receive rape and death threats as a result of our divorce, then I had no idea. I did not intend for that to be the case, and I was not made aware of it by ANY party. Had I known, I would have made a sincere effort to put a stop to it. And if this is still ongoing - though I highly doubt it is - I implore people to cease harassing her. She’s out of my life, and I’m out of hers. That’s all that matters. It’s none of your business what happened in my last marriage or to whom.
According to the rumor mill, I also repeatedly told my ex-wife that she was talentless, that she would only get voice-work because she knew me (*I* don’t even get voice work because of who I am!), that she should just give up on acting/singing, etc. These are also lies, regardless of who spread them. I actually joined our local theatre group as a result of my ex-wife’s urging, and ever since my first performance there, I kept auditioning for roles every time they had a show on. And every single time, I would tell my ex-wife, “You should audition too! It’ll be fun to do this sort of thing together!” She usually didn’t want to (she didn’t like auditioning for things that weren’t based on material she was already familiar with), which is entirely her decision. But I tried. I really, really tried to encourage her to act. Alongside me, yes, but not because it was her only chance at getting a role. But because I knew it would be more fun that way, for both of us. At least I hoped it would.
I really do want to stress that back then, I didn’t have a chance at being a voice actor, and I knew it. Whenever I talk to people about acting, I explain that it’s more who you know than what you know or what you can do. And that’s true. Living in England (in Scunthorpe of all places), there just wasn’t any shot at a voice acting career. And being “internet famous” certainly isn’t an aid - if anything it can be a hindrance. People associate you with a very specific field of acting, and trying to break out of that can be nearly impossible. As such, telling my ex-wife that she would ONLY have a chance because of me? It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t get cast in actual projects because of who I am. I’ve been cast in a grand total of maybe three things, and it’s been because I auditioned and I happened to fit what the producers were looking for. I don’t introduce myself as LittleKuriboh. That would be idiotic. As such, I would never have expected my ex-wife to introduce herself as “LittleKuriboh’s wife”. Equally idiotic.
Supposedly - if you believe the rumors - she once tried making a 5Ds Abridged Series. This is the lie that makes me laugh every time, because honestly, if this was the case, I had no idea. I can’t help but think that this is some really childish way of drumming up criticism from the fans of the YGO spin-offs, because oh man, I was mean to my wife AND to Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds!?! That’s going too far!
No, she never once suggested a 5Ds abridged. She did, however, try making a Revolutionary Girl Utena abridged series. And I thought it was a great idea. I even got ahead of myself and edited an intro for her. Now, you can look at that and say “Oh he’s so full of himself, thinking he can make his wife’s series for her!” or you can say “Oh he’s actually trying to help his wife get her project off the ground”, but no matter how you look at it, I wasn’t discouraging her, and I resent the implication that I would ever tell anybody, least of all my wife at the time, that they couldn’t do something they believed they could do.
Now if you ask me if my ex-wife wasn’t hurt by what happened, I believe she was. But so was I. We both hurt for a long time, I’m sure. I was desperate and confused and depressed and lonely, if not for a few very good friends I had online. And I’m sure the same can be said for her. But it is my problem, and it is her problem. And when I see certain people dragging this bullshit up from four years ago, I hate to think that life could be so meaningless for another person that my private affairs need to be dredged out of the mud and re-painted to make me look like some sort of villain in a storybook.
At the end of the day, this is my word versus someone else’s. And obviously, you’re free to believe what you choose to. Believe what you want and let other people do so. At the end of the day, none of this matters. She’s not in my life, and I’m happier for it. And that’s not me reveling in her misery. It’s me moving on.
I will never speak of this again, and I’d appreciate you doing me the courtesy of never speaking of it either.
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